Finally Becoming Miss B

I started this blog a few months ago. I started it because I wanted to write. I didn’t care what it was or who was listening (well reading) I just wanted to get out there. And for the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about the whys. Why did I start writing? Why am I writing about the topics? Why do I care?

I can officially say that I know the answers, and they were right there in my name. Over the last 17 years and 4 days I’ve been growing, changing, becoming me. I started writing out of growth, the growth to branch out into something I’ve never tried before. I write about the topics I do because they are what I’m thinking about, what’s on my mind. I care because it’s me, a part of me, the part that’s still growing.

I always have to have a plan, a reason for doing something. Maybe now my plan is to not have a set plan. I know why I’m writing, now I just have to go with it and do what I do best with out realizing it. It’s kind of scary, not knowing what my next move is, but I know sure enough it will come to me. At first I was worried about who would read this and who would just skip over it, but now (although I love having readers) that doesn’t seem quite as important to me anymore.

I don’t believe this finding myself thing will ever really come to an end. I will always be growing and changing and becoming me.

In search of…….

We all go through stages where we feel as if we are searching for something more in our lives. We search for something to complete us, to make us whole again. For some, that may be finding a great job that they don’t dread going to everyday. For others, it may be finding the best place to live, close to everything they know or somewhere completely new and different so they can make a life of their own. For me, it is going through and finding all the things that are important to me and really prioritizing my life. This is something that makes me feel as if I can truly be whole in the end.

When we are young, we take many things for granted: who pays the bills, how the food got on the table, how there are people in our lives that take care of us when we’re sick. This things often get pushed to the side when we are young and don’t know any better. But as we age and mature, these little things become big things, and we start to realize how much we need them.  

One of the most important topics on my mind during this stage of my life, is family. It doesn’t matter if you are my sister or my third cousin twice removed, you are family to me and in some way you have effected my life. As I am going off to college in the next year, I believe it’s time to start assessing my views and opinions on the people in my life as well as the memories I’ve had with them.

Yes, the people around you are bound to offend you. You’re going to be angry and annoyed and sometimes hurt by them, but you have to decide where your line is and if they’ve crossed it. People change, I don’t think it’s very common, but people can change. You just have to be either willing to accept that change or prepared to let them go.

Can’t Have Pros Without Cons

Winning something you really want can be the greatest feeling in the world, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only feeling you feel. Every situation has its pros and cons, even the greatest situations. They say you can’t have light without dark, good without bad, and (I don’t know if they really say this but I do) pros without cons. Here is a prime example: Winning a town pageant.

Pro 1: Winning something you have worked really hard for makes you feel like the most triumphant person in the world. Sometimes we work so hard for something and never seem to get recognized for it, but when you do get recognized it makes it all seem worth it. That feeling it definitely a pro!

Con 1: Sometimes all that recognition goes to your head. Usually people don’t mean to let it happen, but winning can give you an incorrect feeling of authority. This authority has the potential to drive people away, including the people you love the most. It can be hard to come back to reality after the superiority of winning takes control.

Pro 2: Accomplishing your dream isn’t usually the easiest thing in the world, but when you work hard they can become in reach. When you accomplish one dream, it gives you the confidence to work toward more dreams. The more dreams you have, the harder you work. It’s like a never ending circle, but a good circle none the less. When you accomplish a dream, it is a big moment in your life. It’s something that sticks with you forever.

Con 2: In every competition there is a winner, and therefore a loser. Or course the winner should feel happy about their success, but sometimes there is an underlying sadness for the other contestants. More than likely, everyone who tried, tried for a reason. It’s just as much their dream as it is yours. This can be a sticky situation for the winner because they want to be happy but at the same time there is guilt for taking away the happiness of the other contestants. Again, you can’t have happy without sad or pros without cons.

Pro 3: Winning a competition of any sort gets your mane out there. People want to you who you are and why/what you won. They type of people you meet depends on the competition you won. A beauty pageant? You might meet designers and stylists. An academic competition? You might be introduced to scholars and university deans/professors. Networking is really important what finding schools and job. It’s all about who you know, and when you win something, you have the potential to know a lot of people.

Con 3: The problem with meeting new and important people, is that your every move is watched by someone. You have to always do the right thing. Of course, you should already be doing the right thing, but now you really have to watch yourself. Even the smallest thing could be taken the wrong way. You have to watch both what you say and what you do. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it is something you might not think about.

Winning anything has the potential to have pros and cons, even when the pros are the first and sometimes only ones we see. It can be the greatest feeling in the world. You can’t have light without dark, good without bad, or pros without cons.

Trust

It takes a lot to trust a person. For some people, it takes a little more than others. When you trust someone, it is kind of like giving them a part of your soul, part of your being. The fear that they might lose that can be tremendous. It’s amazing how the phrase, “Trust me,” can be thrown around so easily, when it’s such a hard thing to do.

I’m sure we all know someone who trusts others without a second thought. I’m sure we all have seen them get hurt sometime or another. What makes them trust so easily? How can they risk getting hurt like that? Why would they risk that?

Every person is different. Everyone has their own mindset about certain issues. Having the capability to trust willingly can have varying results. You may have your heart broken, you may lose what you though was a really good friend, you may feel lost, but, you may learn a little about yourself and the person your trusting in the process.  It may make you a stronger person, it may teach you something (or a lot of things)

Trusting someone takes a lot, but it can give a lot back. We can’t guarantee that we wont get hurt but being able to take that risk just might be worth it. “Trust me” you’ll never know until you try:)

Family Feuds

Every family has had their share of fights and miscommunications. Some families just have more of those than others. Family is a very cherished word, and if it’s not, it should be. Your family should be the people that help you when you are facing your toughest battle. In many cases they do help you, just not in the way you may expect.

Fighting is a part of life. It is something we all have to go through, both directly and indirectly. It’s not necessarily something we like but regrettably unavoidable. The small things like: ‘how long your sister is taking in the bathroom in the morning’ to ‘who can I live with without making everyone mad.’ In some way, we all are faced with the sad reality of family feuds.

Everything that happens, happens because of a choice or choices that have been made. The hard part is knowing which choice to make. Should you do what’s best for you, or do what everyone expects you to do? That choice can cause a fragile person to break. It nearly causes a strong person to break. It’s a scary place to be: the person in the middle who has to choose one side or the other. It can either end in harmony or more fighting.

You wouldn’t think that the people who are supposed to love and be there for you would put you into such a hard position, but they do. They may not realize they’re doing it, but they do it none the less. How do you react? What do you choose? Which road do you follow? There is a saying that goes, “Go not where the path leads, but make your own trail,” at a young age that sounds like a great option, but not necessarily a realistic one.

Family feuds are everywhere. You can’t avoid them, and you can’t always end them. You have to adapt to them, find where you want to go with your life, and just go there. Your family should always love you, no matter which ‘road,’ ‘path,’ or ‘trail’ you take. You just have to make the decision to take it.