Tough Choices

We are constantly faced with tough choices. Some are tougher than others. I personally was faced with some pretty hard ones. If it was on a scale of 1-10 it would definitely be a 10. Not just because they are important, but because I am not the only one being affected by each decision and its not a single decision I have to worry about its a lifetime of choices!

Recently I came back into contact with some “lost” family. It has its fair share of tension, as does almost every family. What makes it worse is that it is also accompanied by sadness, regret, and not so fond memories. Sometimes all I want is to shut this out. I don’t want to confront it. But right when I am at the point of giving up I realize this situation isn’t just about me.

Last month was my 18th birthday. Wow I guess I am actually an adult now, well at least in the eyes of the law! The turning of my age also meant  the separation of phone bills, the switching of banks, and the impending idea of college… on my own. Now don’t get me wrong, most of these are a good things. But the idea of it is a smidge scary. The decisions I make from here on are my mine, and if they are wrong that makes it my fault. I feel very exposed and vulnerable, like being caught in a snow storm in may with nothing but a tank top and shorts. All I can do after that I figure it out and make it better. I know, if I do mess up, I can’t just go back and change my decision, I will have to make better ones in the future and learn from my mistakes, but no one said that was going to be simple or easy! 

So no matter how tense or sad or awkward it may be to “find” this somehow “lost” family may be, I know that I need to put myself out there and do my part in mending the bridge that was really never even built. It makes me realize how, of the zillions of decisions we make everyday, most of them aren’t even for ourselves. And if we stick to the statistic of a zillion per day, can you imagine the amount of decisions in a lifetime? Yeah, scary! 

I know that the decisions I make in the coming days, weeks, months, and years will either make or break me, just as much if not more than the decisions of the last 18 years have. Lets aim for the ‘make me’ idea!!


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