Sometimes you have to be selfish

Big decisions like going to college or moving to another country for a year can be amazing and beneficial for you, that’s why we make those decisions. Those decisions are not always best for everyone but sometimes you have to be selfish.

When I chose to go overseas, I did it for me. I wanted to see those places and meet those people and learn those lessons… for me. Not for my friends and family back home. Not even to make people proud of me. It was solely for my own happiness. And it was wonderful.

I knew that there would be people unhappy with my decision, (no matter how big or small the choice someone is going to be a grump!) but I did it anyway. This did not mean I was without occasional pains of guilt, but those pains were soothed by the joy and beauty of what I was experiencing.

As much as I wish I was, I am not psychic… I didn’t know how things would turn out when I came back.

Would you still be angry with me?
Would too much space push us too far away?
or
Would you understand my decision?
Would time apart mean time to reevaluate life?

Fortunately, time and space was a good thing for us both. We have been able to view our lives though our own eyes rather than all the visions others want or expect us to see.

Even though I didn’t know this choice would have a good ending, I wouldn’t have chosen any different. It’s selfish and I know it. But sometimes, after continually giving all that you possibly have to offer and then some more, you need to make some of those big, hard, selfish decisions. If nothing else, for your own sanity.

In the end, we are sisters and no matter what happens, that will never change. We may get angry with what the other may choose but we will always love each other. We have had to give up a lot to keep that love, so every once and a while I think we are entitled to a selfish decision or two.

 

 

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