I would like to picture settling in the form of sand slowly falling to the bottom on a sea shore after a long summer day of feet wading in and out of its salty waves.
My reality of settling, however, comes in the middle of the night when all is quiet around me leaving room for the racing thoughts in my head to change the stillness from calm to chaos in seconds.
They hide in silence and come out when all seems clear to bring up fears of insecurity, loss of control, and inability to move. They snicker in the silence knowing only I can hear their voices. They grow in the darkness, merely subdued by busying my mind with the toxins of social media.
I used to fear the silence. I feard these monsters and the power they continue to hold over me. I still fear the consequences if they win.
But more resently, I have come to embrace the silence. I confront the demons head on, an expert in these interactions by now. I face them knowing that the dreams of settling sand on the sea shore can never be my reality if the monsters of my mind infest the waters.
My hope is that the waves kick up enough sand to land right on top of those fears and bury them beneath the settling ground. But that wave can only come from me and I can only create such a thing by embracing the silence that I shouldn’t have to fear.
Maybe the settling will never happen; maybe it’s not supposed to. But each day I take another step and create another wave that may just be the one that saves me.