“When I love you, I am happy.” This is not an inaccurate statement. It makes us feel good to love and be loved. We feel happy and safe and all of those warm, bubbly feelings. But that is not all that love means. Happiness is just a small section of what it means to love someone. When you really, truly love someone, you don’t run out at the first sign of not being ‘happy’.
It may also help to find what happiness means in reality. Trust me, I am an idealist at heart, I would love to believe that we could be happy 24/7, 365, but I know we cannot. Pain and sadness and frustration and all the other billions of emotions we have that are not happiness are going to sneak into the pool of feelings drowning our minds all the time. It’s not realistic to say that we are going to be happy all the time so why does it sound fair to say you can’t love someone if you’re not happy.
This is where the blurred lines come in….
“No you shouldn’t be with someone if you are unhappy.”
“You can’t expect to be happy all the time.”
“It’s not fair to keep giving them chances if they make your life less happy.”
“If you never give someone the chance for love how do you know if you could be happy?”
There are so many ways that we can handle love and they tend to revolve around happiness, but how do you calculate what the weight of unhappiness is that crushes the chance of love? As far as I know, you can’t. It would be nice to have these ideal numbers and ratios to tell us what chance we have in succeeding in a certain pairing with this percentage of the time being in happiness over sadness. But that’s not how it works. (Who knows maybe someday it will, but that’s for a much different blog than this!)
Love is this beautiful, scary, happy, and sometimes not so happy thing that enters and leaves our lives with more impact that we often realize. Saying “I love you” should not equal, “I love you, when things are going well,” or “I love you, but only when we’re happy.” That is not love, that is convenience.
I love you because we have happy moments. I love you more when we don’t have happy moments. When you’re unhappy, I love you so much I want to love away the pain at least for a minute or three. When I’m unhappy, I want you to love me back to whole so we can share those happy times again. I will take you at your worst because I’ve seen you at your best and know that even from there we can achieve greater together. But that greatness does not come from running away from unhappy moments, it comes from working towards the ideal that always feels two steps away from us. If we run together though, I believe we can catch it!
If there comes a time when the fight for love and happiness becomes too much and the bad moments out weigh the good, it will not be fun or happy or anything I desire to do, but I will not say that I was wrong in my love. Things change and I may not love you now but last week or last month or yesterday I really, truly did. Feelings may change but that doesn’t erase their history. If I had one day where we both loved and felt happy, I would not let anything take that day from me, and I believe that it would be worth it, even for that one day.
So let there be love and let there be happiness. And if they don’t always align, evaluate why and if it’s something you want to work to realign. If you don’t want to put the work into it, you don’t deserve it. But if you do, don’t let it pass you by. Don’t fear that other person’s love, let it in and love it right back, you could be stronger than you’ve ever imagined.
**Man, I love coffee, but sometimes it gives me the shakes… I still love it, but we need to take the time to work out just how much love we can handle. We reevaluate our relationship and the next morning (and a seemingly ungodly hour) our love is reignited.**